We're Ready

This might be bragging a bit, but we're ready. We're normally fashionably late for most everything, holidays included, but not this time.

Argh!

I'm sure the gentleman was a perfectly nice person, but he had no business using tools. I'm referring to the man, "Old Man Pete" as he was known in the neighborhood, who owned our present home prior to the couple we purchased it from. Pete did a lot of work in and around the house. But he had a particular knack for doing things backward, taking lots of short-cuts, and making step two fit whatever happened as a result of step one. The jig-saw nature of our shop / barn is a good living example of his handiwork.

My frustration at his waywardness came to a head over the weekend as I continued to chip away at the paneling in the room that used to be an attached garage. There was some very curiously placed plywood around the trim to the door leading from there into our kitchen. Not wanting to make my step five have to fit Pete's step four, I had to take the door trim off to remove the plywood. Once off, it became apparent that the trim was the only thing keeping the door in place.

In case you don't know, which you might not -- but if you're installing a door you should -- a combination of the door-frame and the wall hold the trim in place, not the other way-around. In taking the door completely down to remedy this situation, I get a brief shower from a stash of white beans that some mouse thought would make a good Thanksgiving dinner some day. And once down it becomes apparent (by looking at the manufacturer's sticker that is still on the concealed portion of the door-frame) that not only did Pete not really hang the door, he also managed to set an out-swinging door in an in-swinging position.

All is better now. The only thing left to do is to lobby congress to mandate a hand-tool competency test.

Rain, rain, rain!

Rain, rain, rain! I hope you all made it through Ida safely. If I can figure out how to do it I am going to post a picture of a football field turned lake off of Old Rocky Ridge. Water truly is an amazing force!
-Les

Press Conference

[A Presidential press conference from earlier today. Not widely televised.]

[click, click, click]

As most of you may already know…there was a gunperson attack at a military institution late last week. The suspect [click, click, click] is thought to be a gentleperson of male persuasion and orientation. [click, click, click] Now the good news in all of this [click, click, click] is that this Mr. Hasan was a muslin. I think we can all take great courage in knowing that our affirmative action reverse discriminatory polices have ensured that persons like Mr. Hasan are and will be indefinitely retained in publicly funded positions, despite very creditable evidence that would call for contrary procedures. This is a public good that should be celebrated. [click, click, click] [click, click, click] [click, click, click]

But despite the positive GDP numbers we have seen for our most recent economic quarter [click, click, click] it is being publicly discussed in the media that this Mr. Hasan is not cooperating with either civilian or military investigators. In an effort to shore up the interrogation sector, I have called on Fed Chairman Bernanke to begin administering an injection of water-boarding stimulus immediately. [click, click, click]

Now…some of you…may [click, click, click] be inclined to think that this action, and others like it, will somehow darken the US’s perception in the global economy. Therefore I have given Treasury Secretary Geithner additional regulatory powers to have Mr. Hasan retroactively aborted once the stimulus has had a chance to work its way through the system. So as to forestall any hang-ups in the House of Representatives, we have assured by various means that this will be performed without the use of any federal dollars. Such prompt action, and performed in this particular manner of implementation will provide value added services to our economy…creating approximately one real man-hour of work to be divided equally by thirteen immigrants who will be pronounced “legal” later on in my administration. [click, click, click]

Also…[click, click, click]…I am advising the American public…[click, click, click]…that next week…Due to the stress and nature of being President of this great nation…[click, click, click]…My family and I will be taking a brief three-week vacation in an unnamed amusement facility just slightly southwest of Orlando. In my absence, I would like to defer any Presidential responsibilities to my Vice-President, Joseph Putin. Thank you. [click, click, click] [click, click, click] [click, click, click]