GENIU$ BAR

So, the other day Heather and I went to the Genius Bar at the Apple Store. Without getting too far into the details, we’ll just say that Heather’s iPhone wasn’t working properly (which had nothing to do with Geena putting it in her mouth). So, the guy turns the phone on, sees the error message come up, and then shines his magnifying light thingy into the contacts. He then says that will be $199. Apparently the iPhone has a white strip that turns pink upon water damage (Genius!), so that they cannot be swindled out of replacing “malfunctioning phones” when some donkey drops his into a cup of Dr. Pepper while driving on the PA turnpike while talking to his mom on the phone (I don’t know anyone who’s ever done that…). Anyway, so I ask the guy for his magnifying light thingy so that I can see the metal contacts. They seem to mostly be intact except for a little surface corrosion. Geena obviously has the superpower of corroding tiny copper contacts. [If we could only market this amazing skill!?] Anyway, I ask the guy if they sell a cleaning kit, and he says “No” (Genius!- why sell a cleaning kit when they can just sell you a new phone?). He then says, well, if you can clean it with a little rubbing alcohol, but don’t use too much, then great. Otherwise, we can just get you a new phone (Genius! - they said that, but I think they meant I could pay them to get me a new phone.). Bottom line: I said ‘NO’, I’m not ready to drop $199 on a new phone. I then bought my own magnifying glass for $10.50 at Restoration Hardware, took the phone home, got an old toothbrush, and then went to town on brushing the contacts. I didn’t even use the rubbing alcohol. And Viola! Genuis! The phone worked like new!

And about this magnifying light thingy, it is basically the same thing doctors use to look into your ears. So, no doubt, these Apple Genius Bar peoples are in the back checking out each other’s ears and comparing brain sizes while charging people lots of money for unbroken phones- while at the same time appearing to be very smart, gracious and helping you out tremendously with excellent customer service. Geniu$ indeed. No wonder Apple’s making such a killing.

So, lesson of the day, beware of self-given titles, as they may be true, but they may not accurately reflect who they are truly meant for.